CAN YOU IMAGINE A BOYFRIEND?? LIKE SOMEONE ACTUALLY GIVING A SHIT ABOUT YOU??? BECAUSE I CAN’T???
since i was 10 i was called cow, because i was over weight. everyday of 5th, 6th, 7th and even in 8th grade in one way or another i was calleed that and since i’ve never felt okay to dress in a nice way, or even think about getting dressed up until actually this year i actually started wearing shorts and all i hear is my grandma and mom complaining about not having a bf or anyone special. i’ve never told them about my love life. i only started dating like what 3 years ago, when i was 13. my first relationship ha how funny was it, my boyfriend ended up leaving me for our best friend taylor. then my relationship after that he used me to get his ex jealous so she would take him back. almost a year after that relationship i found my friend maurice,yes thats his actual name. ik its funny. but i mean i didnt like him i did but not in the relationship way, i got with him, to get over the fact i had lost my best friend, again fo rthe third time this year but in the end i somewhat started falling for him but he was so clingy and all he wanted to do was hook up. i hated it so i ended it. and not even a week after i met my recent ex jey. he slept with his best friend because i started talking to my ex again, after a month of being together, but he didnt tell me until our two months what he did. a month later. So i told my best friend, the one i had lost earlier about this he was there for me and told me he would never leave, that he was a chicken for running out before, the reason he had left was because i had told him i had liked him , he didnt talk to me for seven months. and he did , he was there but he was slowly leaving and once he did it drove me to the edge again. i hadn’t cut since seventh grade, the only reason why i started was to see how it felt. i wanted to see if it hurt, i didnt cut like anything important or something. i would actually carve into my scin with a needle words, names, of things or people that hurt me. i stopped for about a year because my mom saw it, one time i carved jonathan into my hand and she warned me never to do it again. a year later. on my brothers birthday is when i started cutting again. i remember crying and i tried moving my thoughts somewhere else but nothing was going right. nothing at all. i had found my blade and i cut for what seemed like three times across did a damage of 15 solid cuts across my left forearm. the next day i went to school and my friend saw my arm. i ignore all of my friends for a week and when i opened up to tell two of them. i was laughed at, called emo, depressed, suicidal, unhumane. everything. i’ve tried telling them but every time i tried, just seeing the pain and fear in they’re eyes. makes me not what to tell them. i still havent and its been three months. i dont think ill ever tell them.
im sorry this actually turned in to a rank of some kind. but really if you actually read through my dramatic teen years i thank you and idk just thank you.
I posted it on here because I can’t send it to your ask but yeah lol bye :)